The holidays are coming upon us, and for those of us who have lost dear ones it can be an incredibly difficult time. I no longer have my sweet Sofia near to me. Her absence is felt in every room of the house. I keep expecting to see her sweet little smile and hear her squeaky little voice around the corner zooming through the rooms on her little pink bike. Sometimes I still think I hear her cry or laugh in the house. I keep expecting her to sneak into the bathroom with her mischievous smile around the edge of the door frame while I get ready. I miss kissing her fur faced cheeks. I miss her little dimples she had in her elbows and knuckles of her hands because she was so fat. I just plain miss my girl. She was my little mini who followed me everywhere. Her life was so enmeshed with mine it feels like a part of me is missing. Her nearness is gone and now there is a palpable absence. Every morning I wake up and I pray, “Lord I miss her, help me, be nearer to me today.” However, I am still of good courage. Even in Sofias death she was teaching me an important lesson, the nearness of God is my good (Psalm 73:28).
Even in Sofias death she was teaching me an important lesson, the nearness of God is my good (Psalm 73:28)
In Sofias final weeks, the Lord was gracious enough to give me a visual picture of what I would need to do every day until I see Sofia again. When the void of her absence would fill every room, I must draw near. I watched my precious little three-year-old lose the ability to walk, talk, eat, play, and run around with her siblings. She hardly wanted to even be touched towards the end. We were able to keep her mostly comfortable but at times she would become pretty irritable. She could still understand everything happening. Just imagine being trapped in your body that is used to being able to run and play but now has totally failed you and you can still hear and understand everything going on around you. This thought terrified me as her mother. I pleaded with the Lord to comfort her, to help her not be afraid, and minister to her in ways that only He can. The Lord answered that prayer. Even though she could no longer talk she would still point and nod her head yes or no. It was at this time I would begin to ask her yes or no questions. I would go through the list of things a sip of coke, to go up in her crib, to be held and when all those nods were no, I would ask her if she wanted me to read Scripture to her. She would very clearly nod yes; and so, we read and read and read. For what seemed like hours on end every day we would read scripture, sing and pray with many visitors from church participating. Although her physical body was wasting away in front of my eyes her inner spirit was being renewed day by day (2 Cor 4:16).
The reading of God’s word seemed to calm her soul and put her body at ease. Frankly, I was quite surprised, what three-year-old wants to hear Scripture read to them all day long? I figured she’d definitely just want to hear toy story on in the background, but she didn’t want that. She wanted the nearness of God. As the worries would flood into my mind, I would read to her things to comfort my own heart. I would read psalm 23 and 139 every night and remind her that the Lord is with her even in the valley of death and she would be dwelling in the house of the Lord soon and then I’d tell her that I will meet her there one day. When she couldn’t speak, I would remind her just as the Lord knew what was on her lips before she could speak, He knows her thoughts even after she lost her ability to speak. I’d say you can talk to the Lord right now he hears you, he sees you, he loves you. God’s word did not disappoint.
The nearness of God was her good and she put it on display for the whole world to see.
In her last week we asked Sofia if she wanted us to take her to church and she very clearly nodded yes. We asked her multiple times to make sure and she would always nod yes. So, we made that happen. I carried her in my arms in the car the whole 45 minutes to church and it was one of the sweetest fellowships we’ve ever had at church. It still all feels like a bit of a dream to me. Our daughter showed more love for God’s word and God’s people than most of us do at times. The nearness of God was her good and she put it on display for the whole world to see. If you get nothing else from this, get this, that if you are a Christian, the nearness of God is your good too. Don’t hide away, don’t push away the grief, enter in. Take it all to the Lord in prayer, casting your burdens on Him and he will sustain you (Psalm 55:22). Read Gods word continuously, be with Gods people, remind yourself of the truths of God, just as Sofia did. However, if you are not a Christian the nearness of God will not be good to you. It will be frightening. I pray you read this and turn to Christ in repentance and faith so that the nearness of God might be your good too.
Rachel is a wife and mother of five young children. She has a love for listening to expository preaching, theology, and doctrine. She desires to make Christ known through her marriage, parenting, and in every word and deed.
FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT 