FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT

As I lay in the hospital bed holding my daughter close, I kept whispering in her ear, “I will not leave you, I’m not going anywhere.” Every time I tried to take my hand away to adjust, she would cry out and quickly search for my arm to wrap around her back. If one hand was missing, she knew, and she would immediately search to bring it back to its rightful place. As I whispered in her ear that I would not leave her, I was reminded of our Lord who, “will never leave us nor forsake us.” (Hebrews 13:5). Likewise, as my arms were wrapped around her tightly I was reminded of Psalm 91: 4 “He will cover you with His pinions, And under His wings you will take refuge; His truth is a large shield and bulwark.” In these moments, as I was holding her and comforting her, my prayer was she would feel secure in my arms in the midst of a scary hospital bed. Just as I was trying to make Sofia feel secure, the Lord was reminding me of His protection and care for the both of us. He was reminding me that He wraps His children up under His wings and protects them and I can run to Him in my time of need. He had already been showing me His providential care for us before we had even arrived at the hospital and continued to do so every day of our stay. I want to share in this article how the Lord tangibly cared for us under the shadow of His wings.

He will cover you with His pinions,
And under His wings you may take refuge;
His faithfulness is a shield and wall.

Psalm 91:4

The first noticeable act of God’s providence came with the radiology nurse that worked at York Hospital. After the Neurologist saw Sofia, she ordered a MRI of her brain. Sofia’s initial MRI was scheduled for January 14^th. Having the MRI scheduled was good, however, I was a bit concerned that we were going to have to wait another two weeks before we knew what was going on with Sofia. Little did I know the Lord was working behind the scenes. On Tuesday January 7^th I received a phone call from the radiology nurse at York Hospital who had scheduled the original MRI. She called and said, “Do you think you can come in tomorrow?” To which I responded, “Absolutely!” The nurse went on to say, “You know, I was reading over your daughters chart and I really wanted to get her in to be seen, so I asked if we could shift someone around to bring her up in the schedule.” She did not know me or my daughter personally, she was just doing her job. She was routinely caring for a patient she never met. However, for this patient she went above and beyond her call of duty. I called her a week later after we found out Sofia’s diagnosis and I told her that I was so thankful to God for her and what she did for my daughter. This was just the first of many ways that the Lord was showing His grace and tender care for us.

Shortly after we arrived home from the MRI we received the call from the Neurologist telling us that Sofia had a pontine glioma and we needed to be admitted to the hospital. At first, because our neurologist was in Pennsylvania (we live very close to the border of PA) they were trying to get us admitted to Hershey Hospital. I requested that our doctor call Johns Hopkins to try and get us admitted there because this is closer for us and our church family. The neurologist had a bit of trouble getting through to Johns Hopkins but he advised me to go there to the children’s emergency department and he would continue trying to get connected with them. Little did he know, we have a connection with Johns Hopkins. One our fellow church members is a Neurosurgeon there and happened to be on call that night. She was able to give all the doctors a heads up about Sofia so they were ready when we arrived. She also lovingly sat and talked with me many times during our hospital stay. 

Not only did the Lord provide a supportive nurse and a doctor friend, He also provided another sweet church friend in the hospital during our stay, Lauren. Lauren has a baby daughter fighting cancer right now as well, and they were supposed to come in for a regular outpatient MRI later that week. However, her daughter ended up needing to be admitted to the hospital the same night that we did. I had no idea she was there and she had no idea that we were there. When we were on another floor for one of Sofia’s MRIs, Lauren was walking the floor and saw our last name on one of the doors and texted me saying, “I saw your last name on a door. Are you all here? I’m praying it’s a weird coincidence but if you are we’re here and we love you.” I proceeded to tell her what had been going on with Sofia and she promptly offered prayer, love, food, and comfort. The following day Sofia had to undergo a biopsy of the tumor in her brain. Justin was gone for the morning and I was alone in the hospital room for the first time since we got there. The flood of emotions regarding Sofia’s situation hit me like a ton bricks. In the midst of my emotional turmoil, I heard a knock at the door, a sweet little knock, and in came Lauren with a huge gift basket of things that I didn’t even know I needed. She set the basket down and gave me a big hug. I then proceeded to bawl my eyes out. She reassured me that “God is good, also this is still so heartbreaking and hard.” It was in this moment I was reminded of something I read a year prior in a counseling book regarding true hope being realistic. Wayne Mack wrote about hope in this way, “Romans 8:28 says that all things work together for good, but it does not say that all things are good. Even though true hope expects good to eventually come from trials, it does not try to deny the reality of sin and suffering, or the pain they cause. True hope does not preclude tears and grief, nor does it rest on illegitimate perception of personal capabilities…Abraham’s hope was not based on an unrealistic view of his own capabilities (or Sarah’s) but, rather, on God’s ability to do what was humanly impossible.” God was reminding me of two truths. First, God was graciously reminding me through all of these people how good, and caring He is with the devastating effects of sin. God knows suffering best and He can relate as He Himself is saddened by these things. I was personally blessed by God’s providential timing in providing me a Christian friend, a tangible extension of Christ’s body, in my time of need. 

Last, I was under the strong impression from every doctor that spoke with us that we would have to go to D.C. for radiation at Children’s National. It was not until we met with the social worker at the hospital when Sofia was getting her mask fitting for radiation that I was told we would be in Baltimore for the treatments. I told the social worker I needed to speak with the doctor because everyone had told us that it would be in D.C. The doctor confirmed to me that the type of radiation Sofia needs is administered here in Baltimore at Johns Hopkins. I exclaimed with glee, “So wait, I can take her to church on Sunday?!” To which she responded, “Yes, Absolutely!” I immediately began crying and saying, “I cannot believe God is doing this for us.” In a week full of tears of sorrow, those were my first tears of joy. The knowledge that we would be able to attend church with our local body of believers and be close to family during this time was such a sweet gift from the Lord.

We must live more in light of the reality that God is sustaining all things including our very breath and heartbeat.

I could go on about how the Lord providentially provided other sweet gifts, like free family photos, but if I did, this article would never end. My purpose in sharing this with you is that even in the midst of great sorrow, God has been revealing His tender and loving care in very tangible ways to us. Now, I am convinced these things are happening every day to every believer, and unbeliever for that matter. However, too often, we are too distracted or frankly too self-focused to notice God’s providential care for us. It should not take tragic events for us to recognize these things. Not only that, but I am sure that God is also keeping us from so many harms every day about which only He has knowledge. We must live more in light of the reality that God is sustaining all things including our very breath and heartbeat. As a result we should and can be thankful at all times (1 Thessalonians 5:18). May the Lord help us in the endeavor!